Bad English

Busan, Korea, December 13, 2011.

I've recently (since moving to Asia) become much more aware of a unique, relatively recent phenomenon. With the advent of widespread global trade, the spread of British and American pop culture, and the establishment of English as the first global lingua franca, English is so hot right now. English.

But there is one dialect of English that's hotter than the rest: Bad English. It's not hard to see why.

"When Paris was queen in the 18th and 19th century, every educated person in Europe spoke French, a trait that lasted into the 20th century. Today, everybody speaks English, or at least Bad English, which is the world's fastest growing language." -Josef Joffe

[By the way, I took all of these pictures this year in Busan and Seoul. Enjoy!]



How should we describe this cup of coffee?

"Coffine Gurunaru wants to be a tree and
a ferry in a river just like a place to rest.
A good quality of coffee and the health
benefits of wine will definitely make your
body and your mind upgrade
and even your pride in your
life. Please take a deserved
break at Coffine Gurunaru.
Coffine Gurunaru is a resting
place for you."



A poem on a box of tissue.

"Scent of a Woman
Your smiles twinkling with a brimful of sunlight,
Your limpid tone of voice like as a dew,
With your sequestered song,
I feel very happy endlessly this moment, now.
Like as a sky after rain,
In your fagrance hanging down from the brimful of
sunlight,
Today, I feel every beautiful day, again."



This boutique shop is called "TiTi club". I was confused at first, because when I was in the Army there was this place the guys called... nevermind. It's not a big deal.



Another boutique shop with a name that makes me feel like a dirty old man. "Romantic Pussy".



This is the sign on one of the boutiques in the underground shopping mall next to the subway.

"Sometimes called an atelier, especially in earlier eras."



I have actually seen a few girls walking around wearing this t-shirt that says "Your Text Goes Here".



"The best ingredient in food is starvation."

I disagree. The best ingredient in food is, you know, the food.



I think this was supposed to say "Summer Beach Festival", but that's not what it says, is it?



Sometimes Bad English is a result of a too-literal translation. I'm sure "Open Minded Ear, Nose and Throat Clinic" sounds better in Korean than it sounds in English.



"What's in your mind? Are you girly, lovable and naive? Are you fatal, bad and sexy?"



On the side of Geumnyeon Mountain, you can enjoy a cup of "STARBUS COFFEE".



I would love to visit New York, New York, AKA "Gottrem City".



I guess whoever started this business to sell hiking clothes didn't look up the word "Blackface" on wikipedia: "Blackface is a form of theatrical makeup used in minstrel shows, and later vaudeville, in which performers create a stereotyped caricature of a black person." Ouch. Is it racist if it's an accident?



When I got here in the summer, the sign in front of this cafe on Gwanganli beach was my favorite example of Bad English.

"Sometimes...
Memory origin space
Maybe, it's..Park"



"Boston, Massachubatts
Est. 1600"

There is a real place called Boston, Massachusetts. It was established in 1630.



This is one of the things you encounter in Korea that's just impossibly cute. It's a notebook that looks like a passport. I saw it in the gift shop at Namsan Tower in Seoul.

"LOOK ME. Thank You. I am Sample."



These t-shirts are trying really hard to be badass, but it's just not working. Street shopping in Myeong-dong, Seoul.

"DEAB OR ALIVE
ONE OR EIGHT
GODSPEED YOU
NUFFSAID!"

"WHEN I DIE
BURY ME FACE DOWN
SO THE WHOLE DOWN
CAN KISS MY ASS!!"



"BOSTON: SINCE 1932"

If you've been reading this post for a few minutes, you might remember that Boston was established in 1630. I thought this might be referring to one of the professional sports teams in Boston, but that doesn't seem to be the case. The Boston Bruins hockey team was established in 1924. The Boston Celtics basketball team was founded in 1946. The Boston Red Sox baseball team was founded in 1901. I guess it's possible that something has been going on in Boston since 1932, but I don't know what that is.



This is a "Character Silicone Skin for the iPhone 4". Nothing out of the ordinary, especially the "MADE IN CHINA" tag. Wait a second... why the hell does it say "I ♥ PORN"?

I don't know. That's the kind of mind-blowing shit you're going to encounter when you expose yourself to Bad English.